Like your first kiss, moving in with your partner is another monumental moment in your relationship, and should not be taken lightly. So, how do you decide when to move in together? Well, you may consider taking an online relationship quiz like this one on Quality Health, or ask your friends and family their opinions, but no matter what you do, you need to consider some critical things about your relationship before you decide. I’ve both unsuccessfully and successfully moved in with someone, so I’d like to share some questions you should consider.
What is your relationship status? This sounds like an obvious question, but you would be surprised on how many people think moving in together will solve their relationship issues. They won’t. In fact, there is a huge adjustment period that occurs when you move in with someone, that often results in fighting and even possibly doubting your relationship. Consider how you deal with conflict in your relationship now; if you already have trouble resolving arguments, then work on these before you move in together.
Do you agree on your future? When you move in together, you should be considering your long-term goals with your partner. Do you plan on getting married? Do you want kids? Do you want to stay in your current city? There is no right or wrong answer to these questions, but it is important that you and your partner agree on the answers. Otherwise, you may be moving in together only to find you have different goals in mind, which may ultimately end in heart break and disappointment.
How will you divvy up the finances? I’ve watched enough Judge Judy to safely say that combining all your finances before marriage or other long-term commitment is a bad idea, especially right when you move in together. The best way to decide on finances is to determine how bills will be paid. Will everything be split equally? Or, will each person have ownership of specific bills. Then determine a pay schedule as to when each will pay their dues. If you are going to split everything equally, then you may opt to create a joint account, where each partner deposits their share of the bills monthly. Just be careful with this option and make sure you are monitoring the account frequently. Finances are one of the top causes for breakups and divorces, so don’t over look this. If you can’t get on the same page with finances, don’t move in together until you do. Here is another great article specifically on mixing finances.
How do they live? If you are deciding whether to move in together, you have probably spent some time together in each other’s homes. How do your housekeeping skills match up? If you are a slob and your partner is a neat freak, you will definitely need to discuss what your expectations are for the cleanliness of your home together. Moving in together is all about compromise, but you need to make sure you can both be comfortable in your new home.
Where will you live? You should take a good look at both your homes and determine which is most suitable for you as a couple. Some couples choose to find a new home, so they can start their lives together fresh. This can help eliminate that feeling like you are moving in to someone else’s space. Things to discuss and consider are of course, cost, location from work, school and play, and how much space you need.
If you can agree on all of the above, then you are off to a good start when you move in together. If not, then you should slow down and take some time to work through them. Otherwise, you may be singing along with Beyonce. “To the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to the left!”
Have you successfully or unsuccessfully moved in with your partner? Do you have any additional tips or advice to share? Tell us in the comments!